Fix A Heart
by everything's okay
Summary: There's no turning back now. What's done is done. You can't change the past, but you can make for a better future. "You can bandage the damage but you never really can fix a heart."


**FIX A HEART**

_It's probably what's best for you, I only want the best for you,  
>and if I'm not the best thing, you're stuck<em>

"It's over,"

"Wha – but I … I love you. Don't you love me too?"

"Yes, but I only love you like a sister. I'm sorry Dems,"

She didn't know what to do next. He came to her so quickly and left just as fast, not even giving her a chance to beg him. She would've dropped to her knees and begged for him to take her back. To never leave her alone because she wasn't strong enough to take on the world by herself. She knew this was the beginning of the end. Her world was crumbling, crashing down like an avalanche. She didn't even have time to gather her thoughts and grasp the situation before it all fell down around her. He was gone. And surely his brothers were gone from her life too. She couldn't deal with loosing anyone else. Maybe this is what needed to happen. It was all probably just part of God's crazy plan for her. Well – it sure didn't feel like it.

_I tried to sever ties and I ended up with wounds to bind  
>it's like you're pouring salt in my cuts<em>

He was showing her off to the world. Kissing her in public, bringing her to their shows, and talking about her non-stop when they had time off. To be quite honest – it was making her sick. Literally. They had stopped talking. She didn't talk to Joe, Kevin, Denise or Paul and the members of their band. She only talked to Nick. He was the only one who made her smile these days. That was a really hard job for him to take on. Sometimes, when it was the middle of the night and she was lying on the bathroom floor with her head next to the toilet, she wondered if he ever even loved her at all. If he did he would've know what them breaking up would do to her. The cuts had hurt the first few times she did it, but she was immune to the pain now. She barely even felt the sting when the blade dug deep into her soft skin. She had stopped slicing her wrists – scared that people would see her deepest and darkest secret – and started cutting places people would never see. Her parents didn't even know the damage she was doing to her body. She wanted to look perfect for the world. She wanted to look perfect for Joe. She wanted to make him realize he was being a fool and make him want to come back to her. Sometimes she loved him so much it hurt. It wasn't hard for her to throw up the contents of her stomach every day. Actually, it was pretty easy. **"Keep your eye on the prize" **is what she'd repeat to herself every time she'd cause herself to throw up. **"This will make you beautiful"**

_I just ran out of band-aids, I don't even know where to start  
>you can bandage the damage, you never really can fix a heart<em>

"**I'm Fine"**is the most common lie told. Boy – she knew it. She was the one and only culprit of this lying game going on with herself. The lies were only supposed to make herself feel better. But they didn't help. Actually, it made it worse. As she searched through the cupboards in her tour bus she found what she was looking for. A box of band-aids. She quickly stuck her hand in but instead of grabbing a band-aid, she grabbed the empty space that filled the empty box. Of course, she thought to herself.

"Shit," she muttered under her breath when there was a knock on the door.

"Demi? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, just one second!" She yelled to the curly haired boy on the other side of the door.

This was it. She was going to get caught. Her heart was beating way to fast and her head was spinning. She worked so hard to keep this thing secret and now it's all going to come crashing down. Where was she to start? It didn't matter now; she couldn't walk out of the bathroom like this. She needed to lie. That wouldn't be a problem considering how many lies she has already told.

"Dem? C'mon, we're all going out for dinner. You coming?"

She did a mini happy dance in her head. He couldn't have said anything more perfect.

"Uhh – I'm feeling a little under the weather. I don't think I'm going to come,"

"Oh, okay. Feel better,"

She tried to ignore the fact that he sounded disappointed. But it didn't work. She could just imagine the look on his face. Since she's seen that particular look so many times before. Not only from him, but from everyone else she had disappointed and let down over the years. Just another day in the terrible life of Demi Lovato. Sure, you could fix up any wound. The skin would grow back over the cuts, the fat would come back eventually … but you can never fix a broken heart. Scratch that – you can never fix a **shattered **heart.

_Even though I know it's wrong, how could I be so sure  
>if you never say what you feel<em>

He told her he loved her multiple times. She got the best feeling in the world whenever he would tell her that. But it didn't seem real in the last few days of their relationship. Maybe she should've known by the look on his face that past week. Every time she'd ask him what was wrong, he'd reply with another lame excuse and another selfish lie. Once they started dating he never said what he really felt. He always kept things hidden from her. They had been best friends for years and it hurt her inside just to think about it. Four years of a beautiful friendship just got flushed down the drain because she was stupid one night. She called him – drunk, by the way – and confessed her love. He actually sounded surprised but the next day he asked her out. Little did she know, it was all a sneaky little scheme.

_I must've held your hand so tight, you didn't have the will to fight  
>I guess you needed more time to heal<em>

Letting go was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. She hasn't even let him go yet. Her love for him still radiates off her aching body. Every single second of every single minute of every single day she still loved him. She loved him with everything in her and she still yearned for his touch. Maybe she was to over the top when it came to their relationship. She always wanted to go out and show him off to the world but he just seemed so defeated every time. Like he never wanted to go out with her at all. When they kissed he barely kissed back. God – she was so stupid to tell him she loved him. He obviously wasn't fully healed after he had his heart broken the last time. She was beginning to think this was all her fault. That would be the end of her for good. That was the breaking point. The straw that broke the camel's back. The iceberg that sank the Titanic. The story was over for the both of them.

_You must be a miracle worker, swearing up and down you can fix what's been broken  
>please don't get my hopes up, tell me baby how could you be so cruel<em>

How could he? He swore he was going to help her out. She believed his every word. **"Don't worry, I'll always be there" **he would tell her as he caressed her rosy cheeks after she told him all about her past. He knew very damn well that she was a walking disaster. He knew about what had happened to her when she was young. Her awful childhood and the struggles she went through as a kid. The only thing he didn't know was that she was still dealing with those things today. So cruel, so heartless … such a _man_, for lack of better words. The lyrics of her own song rang through her throbbing head, **"I can't set my hopes too high cause every hello ends with a goodbye"**. She was smarter than this. She knew to never let a boy get into her head and mess around. She even wrote a song about it! But this one boy – he was so dreamy, charming, intoxicating and lovely. She never wanted to let him go once she got a hold on him. She felt so hopeless. There was nothing left of her heart. Nothing left of her.

She'd learn to forget him.  
>Learn to live without him.<br>Let the pain slip through the cracks and be happy again.  
>She'd get help for her issues and learn to love again.<br>But before triumph comes troubles.  
>Before happiness comes sadness.<br>Before love comes lost.

_You never really can fix my heart_


End file.
